The Unofficial Guide to Fatherhood by Dominick Domasky

Author:Dominick Domasky [Domasky, Dominick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Motivational Press
Published: 2015-04-06T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

My Life as Table

In my autobiography, “The Poet Who Watched the Whole Parade,” I try to paint a picture of my experience with the people who have had the largest impact on my life and are no longer living. In doing so, I approached the challenge of having to revisit my parents’ lives and how having a child (me) may have affected them and their marriage. One of the biggest things that I begin to see more clearly in retrospect is the fact that, as a baby, getting to know my father was an actual task. It’s the first relationship that we are challenged to build as a child. We are physically tethered to our mothers through the flesh, but for Dad...well, we have to actually get to know that guy. With newborn infants having limited means of communication, this leaves the bulk of the work up to dear old Dad. If he fails, it leaves a hole in our psyche, forever waiting to be filled with a solid figure, or at least poured into on occasion by any one of the many father figures we come across in life. If Dad finds a way to succeed, it forms the foundation for our own identity in this world of strangers. We have made our first external connection and have a bond that we can trust and depend on for essential growth. The success of this first process sets the tone for us when it comes to building relationships and trusting people, and since mommy’s umbilical cord never let us down, there’s a pretty decent standard to live up to.

My dad wanted to do his best to be there, but two months into my life, he and Mom split up and spent the next few years bitterly divorcing one another. Just starting in my life as a glass table, I was already very nearly shattered. My mom now carried the table alone and refused any help from dad as he was forced to sit down and watch….eventually finding other furniture to move around.

As you can guess, my relationship with my father suffered and my growth as a builder of relationships was stunted, due to no fault of my own. I had the expected reaction. Anger. Hatred. Self-destruction. I allowed a spirit of resentment to build inside of me. For several years following the divorce, I only saw my dad on holidays or special occasions. In between those visits, my mom spoke of my dad almost exclusively in a negative manner. She allowed the bitterness from their adult marriage and divorce to permeate and poison my childhood view of my father. Painful things that occurred between the two of them inside of a marriage they both willingly entered now became pain for me in a relationship I had no choice in. Eventually, I developed anxiety about calling his house to speak to him. My father had remarried and now was a step-father and grandfather for his new family. Calling there to

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